artist, asexual, furry
Las Vegas Academy 2010 grad
Just a warning, I reblog a lot. I do my best to tag everything though, check "more tags" to see what to add to Tumblr Savior.
While my blog will not likely contain porn, there will occasionally be artistic nudity.
AVEN (not active)
DeviantArt (old artwork; not active)
This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.
(This is my submission to the January Carnival of Aces, which is on the topic of nontraditional relationships and polyamory. You too can submit!)
I see a lot of posts from sex-repulsed young aces who are scared that, because they are unable or unwilling to compromise in sexual relationships, they will die alone and unloved. And while there are lots of resources in the asexual community for aces in mixed (sexual) relationships, as metapianycist pointed out recently, there isn’t much out there for aces who only want nonsexual relationships.
The lack of resources for people who want nonsexual relationships is strange, because according to the results of the 2011 Asexual Awareness Week Census, 65% of self-identified asexual people are at least somewhat sex-repulsed (compared to 51% of grey-As and 39% of demis). Even if you only look at the percentages of respondents who were unwilling to have sex, that’s 38% of aces, 11% of grey-As, and 4% of demis. Obviously we need resources for nonsexual relationships just as much as resources for mixed-orientation sexual relationships.
So I thought I would make a list of possibilities for nonsexual relationships for sex-repulsed aces (or even for anyone, ace or not, who prefers a nonsexual relationship to a sexual one). Because there isn’t much pre-existing literature on this topic (and I’m attempting an overview/brainstorm here), this post won’t be terribly detailed, but hopefully once people start talking about this stuff, more detailed posts will come along!
asexuality is really great i recommend it to everyone
I got a couple of requests for a rebloggable version of this!
I identify as a panromantic asexual. I’m not trying to be a “special snowflake.” I’m just using the labels that best describe me, in order for others to understand me and for me to understand myself. I’ll explain..
PANROMANTIC (romantic orientation) - ”pan” for…
oh hey, I’m also pan-ace :D
Best of luck on coming out! I still haven’t fully come out about being pan myself…
Also, for those who like wearing neckties more than I do, Target had a tie in ace flag colors.
:O I WANT THIS
Instead of doing my field report, I’m gonna explain this instead because it’s been on my mind lately.
Yes, I’m asexual and therefore I see other people differently to most. I’m not a very good subjective judge of ‘hotness’, and I freely admit that.
However, living all my life in a society where attractiveness is paramount has given me some idea of what makes someone good looking or not. And I am, as a human being, attracted to things of beauty. Sometimes that includes people.
So finding someone good looking doesn’t make me a ‘bad’ asexual.
And I am allowed to have an opinion on whether something is sexy or not for the above reason: I’m well acquainted with what makes someone or something sexy. I mean, I’ve seen porn, I’ve watched hip hop music videos, I’ve had extensive conversations about sex and hot people. If you live in the western world, you know what’s sexy and what isn’t (at least by society’s standards).
So to summarise:
- I’m terrible at subjectively judging someone’s sexyness
- I’m average to good at objectively judging someone’s sexyness
- I’m excellent at subjectively judging someone’s beauty
And I believe that I’m not the only ace who holds these opinions (though I’d be happy to be contradicted, in fact please do: it’s good for my worldview to be challenged once in a while, even if I don’t enjoy it at the time)
Sometimes when I tell people about Asexuality they ask me why awareness matters. A really common question is, “If you don’t want to sleep with anyone than what is there to even talk about?” Well there is actually plenty to talk about.
But personally I think back on all of the sexual experiences I’ve had. The lack of interest and enjoyment, the feeling of disgust, the lying and the blame I felt towards my partners, and about how I thought all of that was normal.
I don’t regret my choices because I’m happy with who and where I am in life but I think sometimes about what more regretful choices of mine could have been avoided if I had simply known about asexuality. I was told sex had risks, that it was important, that you shouldn’t take it lightly, and of course that teenagers are supposed to want to have it. What I really wish though is that I could have been told that you don’t have to want to have sex and that it is not something to overcome or ignore. I did things I was uncomfortable with thinking that I hadn’t been with the right person or I had been doing the wrong things. When all I saw was people either enjoying sex or wanting to have it and when all I knew were my own feelings I soldiered on with the idea that every girl faked it and secretly didn’t want to have it at all.
Awareness is important because while it would be nice for others to have a better understanding of my orientation what I truly want is for people who feel the same way I did to know that what they feel is okay, that it’s valid, and it’s not something that you need to change or get over. I spent the longest time thinking that to be in a loving relationship I would either have to go against my own feelings and have sex with my partner or let them sexually cheat on me. It’s an amazing thing to realize that your feelings are accepted and shared and not something you should have to compromise your desires over and everyone of every orientation and lifestyle should feel that way.
So yeah I think awareness is just a bit important if you couldn’t tell :)